it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
