i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
