Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
