She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
