There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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