....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
