T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
