I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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