drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
