Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
