A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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