All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
