your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
