U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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