Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
