you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
