I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
