he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My Higher Power is John Stamos
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
