did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
