At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
