Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
