I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
