I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
