We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
