So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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