You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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