Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
