Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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