My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
