lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
