i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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