well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
