Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
