is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
