WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
