I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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