Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
