i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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