Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
