Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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