The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
