Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
