woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
