bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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