Is it normal to miss your booty call?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
