i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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