I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
