He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
