I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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