I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
