why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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